Recommended Reading

1. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is one of my favorite books that I recommend to almost every couple I work with.   This is a very quick read that even someone who doesn't like to read can breeze right through in order to gain a new perspective on how to rekindle the romance in your relation.

2/3.      The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle were life changing books for me.  Tolle talks about the complexities of our inner monologues and how they control us.  His writings also guide you through freeing yourself from the negativity we encounter in our daily lives.

 

4. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith S Wallerstein is the culmination of a longitudinal study perfomed by Wallerstein.  Her researched looked at children of divorce and how the aftermath of their parent's divorce impacted their lives. 

5.      Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is my favorite book about boundaries that I have read.  It is writen with from a Christian perspective.  The authors do a wonderful job of describing all the ways that boundaries can be violated and why they are so important to have.

6.  Mindsight by Dr. Siegel is a book I am currently in the midst of reading.  Case histories are used to demonstrate how our emotions and our brains are deeply entwined.  I honestly don't know how to describe how fascinating this book is.  Thus far, this book has left me feeling hopeful and inspired.

7.  The Gift of Fear has been on my "To Read" list for a while now.  I heard about it on Oprah.  I have learned the hard way to listen to my instincts and I am looking foward to what I can gleen from Gavin De Becker.  If you have read it, please let me know what you think!

8. This book covers it all!  What I love about Laura Berman is that she is so comprehensive and has wonderful ideas about how to deal with anything.  She discusses how to communicate with your partner in order to facilitate a healthy sex life, anatomy, different sexual positions, and much, much more.  Read it, highlight it, write in it and share it with your partner.  Have fun. :)


9. This is another book that I have not read yet but has come recommended from a collegue and friend. bullying is definitely a hot topic right now and if/when your child comes home from school talking about being bullied it is so hard to know how to counsel your child.  Maybe this book can help you.   


This is only the beginning! As I continue to read, I will update my list.  If you have any books you'd like to recommend or if you have a review to share about one of these books, I'd love to hear what you have to say. 

Liking Your Counselor

The relationship between the counselor and the client is an important component of a successful counseling experience.  Counselors will do their best to make a client feel comfortable in their office and I think most clients feel satisfied enough after a first session with a counselor that their is no need to "shop around". 

However, finding the right therapist isn't a one-size-fits-all kind of situation.  Not all counselors approach counseling the same way. Some might be more warm and fuzzy while others are more formal and get down to business. You may not feel like your personalities are a good match. No matter what the source of your discomfort may be, if you don't like the first counselor that you happen to see, seek out someone else. 

Many of you may be thinking something along the lines of, "No thanks! I just spent 50 minutes with that other counselor telling them my life story.  I may not totally like them but I don't want to go through the hassle of finding another counselor, waiting for an appointment and telling my story again".  That is a completely valid response to the idea of finding someone new.

However the way your feel about your counselor will have a direct impact on your attitude about going to your sessions, how much you listen to what your counselor may say in the session and the amount of progress you make towards your goal.  After all, are you going to feel safe sharing private information with someone you don't like or don't know if you can trust?

As I pointed out in my previous post, counseling is an investment in yourself.  You are spending your time, energy and money on your session.  Make sure you get a good return on your investment.  :) 

Why Go To Counseling?

When people ask me what I do for work, and my answer is counseling, I often get one of two replies:

1. Hey! That is great!  What's that like? 
2. The other reply is usually less enthusiastic, involving questions about why I would want to listen to people's problems all day.

That second reply touches on a common misconception that counseling is a negative experience. Counseling involves a little listening to the problem and a lot of listening for the possible solutions to the problem. Counseling is positive, empowering and a wonderful investment in yourself, not to mention all the relationships that you are in.

The average person (or couple/family) often waits to got to counseling until they are in crisis. In other words, counseling is often something that people put off until the problem has become so big and so bad that it has become intolerable. Your counselor is an objective source of support and honesty. Sharing about the problem with your counselor will help you look at the problem from a different perspective. At first, you may have trouble seeing any solution to your problem, let alone several possible solutions. 

So can I just say...don't put it off!  Many clients experience at least some relief from their problem right after they call to schedule the first appointment.  Clients also feel relief again after their first session.  Depending on the problem that someone is going to counseling to overcome, there may be sessions that are more emotionally draining than others.  Your counselor would be there to support you through the more challenging sessions so that you could keep moving forward.  In short, your counselor wants to help you feel better and they want to help you feel better quickly.

In order to have the best counseling experience, ask yourself if you really are ready for the change that is necessary in order to meet your goal/get rid of the problem.  A counselor's job is not to make the change for you or tell you what to do.  A counselor's job is to walk beside their client on their path towards change.  Counselors support, listen, encourage, and sometimes gently push you outside of your comfort zone in order to help you attain your goal. Even really great change can be hard but remember the growing pains will be worth it!

Hello!

Welcome to my blog!  My name is Lindsay Hamilton and I am a marriage and family therapist working in North Liberty, Iowa.  I wanted to start this blog so that I could create a space where people could come to communicate about the issues in their lives that are really important to them.  There is a long list of ideas and topics to cover and I am excited to dig in. Some of the topics I plan on talking about include why go to counseling, how to find a good counselor, boundaries, parenting issues and marital/relational issues.  As you read, please let me know if there is a particular topic you’d like me to cover.  There will be a book list as well and if there are any that you think should be added, once again, please email or leave a comment.